You may know me as John and Helen Tullock’s daughter, but to my girls, I’m Beth. Now while that may sound disrespectful to you, understand that I didn’t birth those “babies”. They are now grown young women with children of their own. Don’t let anyone tell me that those “grandkids” aren’t mine. I can happily tell you that I am part of a blended family.

In this day, where divorce is too easily an option, more and more people are faced with the prospect of trying to figure out the best way to blend a family. Family is never easy, even in the best circumstances, but when you try to blend a family that is not blood related, it is sometimes a serious tightrope act. Especially when the former spouse is involved. I can’t tell anyone how to blend their family, I can only tell you what we did in ours and how it worked.

My husband, Gene, was a career Navy man, and if any divorce followed Biblical guidelines, his did. We have never doubted that God brought us together and we have done all that we can to honor Him in our relationship. We started by committing to each other that God would come first, and our relationship would come before all others. He told me that if a time ever came that he had to choose between me or his girls that he would choose me, because I would be the one sitting beside him in the rocking chair in our old age. Thankfully, he has never had to make that choice.

Also before we married, I wrote his ex-wife a letter. In it, I told her that I committed to never take her place as mother. I told her that I would not say unkind or ugly things about her in front of her children, and that as much as possible, I would lift her up in front of them. And that I hoped that she would treat me with the same respect. I told her that I hoped that her girls would grow to see me as their friend. I told her that I felt that we should all work together to do what was best for the girls. She never responded, but her actions spoke a lot louder than any words.

It was not unusual for us to all show up for parent meetings or other activities at school. We would even sit together at functions. She started it off by bringing the girls to meet my parents before we got married, even staying in their home. When a crisis occurred or a big decision had to be made, like the girls moving to Iceland with us, it was not unusual for us to have a family counsel session, complete with dessert, to hash out a solution. The girls did not always like our decisions, but they knew that we were together on the final solution.

Gene and I knew that she had the final say because she had custody, but there was only one time, that we felt that she made a decision, in which we had no recourse. To this day, we believe that some other things would not have happened, if she had included us in that decision, but we remained true to our commitment of not bad mouthing her to the girls, so in the end we all came through it stronger.

Now that they are adults, our girls remain committed to spending time with us over the Christmas holidays and special events, and our grandchildren know that they will be spending several weeks in the summer with Grandma and PaPa. They start talking to us at Christmas about what we are going to do when they are here, so we feel blessed that it is an event that they look forward to. The older girls know that if they need us, we will be there to help them, as has been the case when our older daughter had to go to Qatar twice and she or her husband has need extra help with the kids.

If you are in a blended family or considering being part of one, look at what you want for the end result. To get there takes a lot of prayer, flexibility, communication and maybe some tongue biting, but it is possible. Keep in mind that if you can’t say something good about the ex-spouse, it is best not to say anything at all. We never gain by running someone else in the ground, especially when the children are involved. The same advice goes when learning how to live with your spouse. We’re glad that we ma